Somewhere between hitting the snooze button and rushing through another to-do list, we lose something. A spark. A question. A quiet whisper inside us that asks: Is this really all there is?
If you've ever felt that nudge—a longing for something more, something richer, deeper, and truly yours—you’re not alone. That feeling is what Arnold Bennett called "the desire to exceed one's programme."
While Bennett wrote those words more than a century ago, the emotion behind them is timeless. In fact, it's more relevant than ever in a modern world obsessed with productivity and performance. In this post, I want to dig deep into that desire. What causes it? Why do so many of us feel stuck in our routines? And most importantly, how do we respond to it in a way that leads to growth, purpose, and joy?
1. The Silent Craving: Recognizing the Desire for More
Everyday life has a rhythm—wake up, commute, work, eat, scroll, sleep, repeat. This cycle keeps us alive and functioning, but it doesn’t necessarily make us feel alive.
In my coaching sessions, I've met countless people who are externally successful but internally restless. A surgeon who secretly wants to write novels. A parent who dreams of hiking the Appalachian Trail. A teacher who craves starting a nonprofit. One client, a mid-level marketing executive, once told me over coffee, "I’m doing everything right—but why does it feel so wrong?"
This longing isn't a flaw. It's a feature. It's a sign that your deeper self is calling for attention.
I’ve felt this pull many times in my own life. I remember a particular winter morning—I was thirty-four, supposedly in the prime of my career. I had just gotten promoted, I was making more money than ever, and yet I woke up with a heaviness in my chest. I didn’t want to open my laptop. I didn’t want to read the emails. I didn’t want to go through the motions. I wanted to create. I wanted to build something of my own. That feeling scared me, but it also awakened me.
2. Why We Get Trapped in the Programme
The "programme" is the script society hands us: Get a good job. Pay your bills. Stay busy. Don’t rock the boat.
This programme isn't evil—it’s functional. But it becomes a problem when it silences our curiosity, creativity, and ambition. Over time, we normalize mediocrity. We trade meaning for comfort. We shrink our world down to what is predictable, and in doing so, we numb the voice that says, "What if?"
Modern psychology backs this up. Studies on self-determination theory highlight that humans have three fundamental needs: autonomy, competence, and relatedness. When we follow someone else’s programme without question, we sacrifice autonomy and diminish our inner motivation.
We also tend to seek validation through external markers: titles, salaries, accolades. But these things can’t sustain us emotionally. As the novelty wears off, the void returns. And then we chase the next thing, hoping it’ll fill the gap.
3. The Myth of "More Time"
How often have you said: "I’ll pursue that passion project when I have more time"?
Spoiler: You won’t.
Waiting for the perfect moment is the perfect excuse. As productivity expert Laura Vanderkam says, "Time is a choice. If you don't choose how you spend it, someone else will."
We already have time. What we lack is the intention to use it meaningfully.
I used to say I’d write my first book once things “calmed down.” But life never calms down. Eventually, I started writing on my phone during lunch breaks. Just 100 words at a time. It felt messy and slow, but it moved me forward. Within a year, I had a manuscript. Not because I found more time—but because I made it.
4. Small Rebellions: How to Begin Exceeding Your Programme
Exceeding your programme doesn’t require a dramatic life overhaul. It starts with small rebellions against monotony. Here’s how:
a) Name Your Longing
You can’t pursue what you won’t admit. Write down what you wish you had more time for. Be honest. Be specific.
b) Create Sacred Time
Carve out even 15 minutes a day for your "excess" dream. Guard it like a sacred ritual. No emails. No chores. Just you and your calling.
c) Set Identity-Based Goals
Instead of saying, "I want to run a marathon," say, "I am someone who moves my body every day." This shifts your focus from achievement to identity—and that's what sticks.
d) Embrace the Discomfort
Growth isn’t supposed to feel easy. If it does, you’re not growing. Expect resistance, but show up anyway.
One of my early coaching clients, Rachel, used to tell herself she was too tired after work to do anything creative. I encouraged her to start with five minutes of watercolor painting. She rolled her eyes. But she tried it. Two years later, she held her first gallery show. All because she allowed herself five minutes.
5. The Role of Joy and Play
One of the biggest mistakes adults make is forgetting how to play. We treat self-improvement like a job. But your desire to exceed your programme isn’t just about being better; it’s about feeling more alive.
What if you approached your curiosity with lightness? What if you painted, danced, or learned to code just because it felt good? Neuroscience shows that novelty and play stimulate dopamine, the feel-good hormone that drives sustained motivation.
During lockdown, I took up guitar again after nearly a decade. I wasn’t trying to get good. I just wanted to feel something different. I’d sit by the window, strumming badly, laughing at my own off-key singing. It was one of the few things that made me feel whole during that lonely time.
6. When the World Doesn’t Understand
Let’s be real—not everyone will cheer you on. When you start deviating from your programme, people might get uncomfortable. They may tease, question, or try to pull you back into "normal."
That’s okay. You’re not here to live someone else’s story.
I remember when I left my corporate job to start writing full-time. Friends thought I was having a breakdown. One even sent me job listings "just in case." But over time, those same people began asking how I did it.
You don’t need permission. You need conviction.
And if you feel isolated, seek out people who do get it. Join communities, even virtually. Find the ones who remind you that your dream is valid.
7. The Internal Battle: Discipline vs. Resistance
When the excitement fades and doubt creeps in, that’s when the real test begins. Your brain will throw every excuse it can muster: "You’re too tired," "You’re not good enough," "This doesn’t matter."
This is where discipline matters. Not punishment. Not rigidity. But loving discipline—the kind that says, "I know this matters to you, so we’re going to do it anyway."
James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, puts it well: "You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems."
Create systems that support your values, not just your tasks. Design your environment to encourage follow-through. Celebrate effort, not just outcomes.
8. The Ripple Effect of Going Beyond
When you exceed your programme, you don’t just change your own life. You change your relationships. Your community. Your energy.
You become more present with your family because you’re no longer resentful. You inspire friends who see your courage. You open doors you didn’t even know existed.
One of my clients, a burned-out accountant, started sketching again. Within six months, she opened an Etsy shop. Within a year, she cut her office hours and now runs art workshops for teens. What began as a hobby became her new life.
That’s the magic of going beyond. It begins quietly, but it echoes loudly.
Another example is my friend Jason, who started volunteering at a local community center one Saturday a month. It wasn’t much. But that one act reconnected him with a sense of purpose. It led to him mentoring at-risk youth, which eventually sparked a nonprofit. Small actions have massive resonance.
9. Redefining Success on Your Terms
The desire to exceed your programme is, at its core, a desire to define success for yourself. Not by society’s standards, but by your soul’s.
Ask yourself:
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What makes me feel fully alive?
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What do I want to be remembered for?
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Who am I becoming?
These aren’t easy questions. But they’re worth asking. Because in answering them, you create a life that feels less like survival and more like truth.
Too often we equate success with arrival: the job, the house, the income. But true success is found in the pursuit—the daily becoming. It’s waking up with a sense of direction, even if the road is uncertain.
10. The Quiet Revolution Within
You don’t need to quit your job, sell your house, or move to Bali to exceed your programme (though you can, if that’s your path). You just need to begin.
Begin by listening to that restless voice. Begin by reclaiming 15 minutes. Begin by remembering that this life is yours to shape.
The desire to exceed one’s programme isn’t a luxury. It’s a calling. It’s your future self reaching back through time and whispering, "Don’t wait."
So ask yourself, today:
What tiny act could I do that would take me one step beyond the ordinary?
Then do it. Again tomorrow. And the next day. That’s how you begin your quiet revolution.
That’s how you exceed your programme.
And that, perhaps, is how you begin to truly live.